Dear Shannon,

From the day you were born I was jealous of all the attention you got. But quickly you wanted to follow me, picked up my good and bad habits, laughed with me, and had the biggest smile.

You were always young at heart (you remember what age we had to tell you about Santa Clause). You wanted to play barbies and I was over it. You wanted to play with dolls and I was over it. But finally, we found something we loved to do together. Build forts around the house. From kids tables arranged sideways to necklaces, sheets, pots, and everything in-between. Our parents may have called them messes, but to us, they were masterpieces.

You became a mother. I have two gorgeous nieces now.

I wish I would’ve said, I wish I would have done. I wish you would’ve said, I wish you would have done.

The outpouring of love after your passing was overwhelming. Not just texts, cards/flowers, or social media posts… it was the hours upon hours I spent on the phone with your friends, our family, and the people closest to you. Reminiscing, grieving and sharing what they loved so much about you. A common theme I noticed is that they all said you were incredibly compassionate, caring, and thoughtful.

I know you are looking down at your daughters. When they accomplish something, you will be cheering them on. When they are scared, you will watch over them. Whenever they are sad, you will wipe their tears. Whenever they seek advice, you will guide them. Whenever they tell a joke you will be laughing with them. And, whenever they say I love you mom, you will say I love you too.

I want to ask you if you like how I’ve handled everything after your passing. I want to ask what your final moments were like. I want to ask you so many things.

I will miss having you available to call at any moment. I’ll miss having someone to vent to and then laugh about it. I will miss not having someone to share life updates with. I will miss having a sister. My only sibling. Even though all the arguments, there is no closer bond or anyone who knows us better.

I asked your daughters what they wanted of your things and the rest would be donated. Your youngest said she wanted all your dresses to play dress up. Your eldest asked for us to keep your eyeglasses…. so that you could see again.

I am still going through all five stages of grief. You may be gone, but you are not just a memory, our bond is unbreakable. You continue to live on through your beautiful daughters. And you are my sister and will always be with me. As your older sister, you always looked up to me. Now I get to look up to you, in heaven.

With love your big sis,
Caitlin